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"Let the Professionals You Hire Do Their Jobs"

Some tips I can offer to the bride and groom are the following:

Let the professionals you hire do their jobs.
Concentrate on enjoying your special day and avoid micro-management.
When all is said and done, the best wedding celebrations are based on spontaneous fun! Things can and do go wrong but if your party has good food and entertainment the things that can go wrong will become minor or even insignificant.

Wedding Stressbusters

I call it ‘hitting the wall.’ Avid running fans refer to that phrase as the point during a race in which you just have nothing left. Your energy stores have been depleted, your drive is gone, and you feel as if you've just run face-first into a brick wall. In many ways, planning a wedding is like a marathon. You need all of your strength, you need great drive, and you have to maneuver through a course, over hills. You get my point. At some point during the planning of your wedding, all of the little stresses may add up and you may find yourself ‘hitting the wall.’ It may be your mother taking over the guest list, the florist losing your order, your bridesmaid crying poverty when it comes time to order the dyed-to-match shoes. Every bride deals with these minor crises, but at some point, she'll blow her lid and vow to elope. You've seen it in every wedding-themed movie; you've seen it in your harried friends who have planned their own weddings.

There really is no way to escape stress during the planning of a wedding. It is a big event, and all of the little details carry such emotional weight. Expecting smooth sailing at all times is just a set-up for disaster, so you should be aware that your patience will be tried and things will not always go easily. You will get aggravated, and your shoulders will rise up around your ears at some point in the process,. or maybe several times. The key is to expect the stress and know how to deal with it throughout the months of your planning time, so that you can let off some steam before you hit the wall. That means exercising the Stressbusters that work for you.

Don't make your wedding your whole life. Some brides get so caught up in the event itself that they make too much out of the planning process. I've seen brides get absolutely frantic, stressing about the little things that offer challenges, allowing their anxiety to build up to the blowing point. Balance your life. Remember that you are not only a bride-to-be, but a friend, sister, worker, artist, etc. This wedding is an event, ultimately a one-day thing. So keep that in perspective and remain present for the other areas of your life.

Vow to have ‘no wedding talk’ times. Again, the wedding can become an all-encompassing entity - both for you and for the others in your life, such as your parents, your siblings, your friends - so lay down a rule that there will be no wedding talk during your regularly planned lunches, dinners, and outings with friends. This will keep you solid as a person, and it will prevent you from absorbing anyone else's issues and opinions about your wedding. Just talk about anything but the wedding on these occasions.

Laugh it up. Laughter is the best stress remedy. Scientists say that laughter kicks in the body's feel-good hormones, but beyond that diagnostic approach, you know that sharing a good belly laugh with people close to you can simply make you feel better. So seek out humour, whether it be from a rented humourous videotape, a few hours watching The Comedy Network, or going to a comedy club in town. Spend time with loved ones who always crack you up, and be sure to share the laughs with the groom. He may be a stressball too, and he could use a reminder of what your smile looks like.

Get moving. Those scientists are correct when they say that exercise is a proven Stressbuster, so get your body moving in any activity from walking to running to weight-lifting to kickboxing. Not only will your mood lift after a good cardio workout, but you'll feel lifted knowing that your arms are going to look fabulous in your gown. When the going gets tough, the vast majority of brides I've spoken to say they simply drop everything and go for a walk through a scenic neighbourhood or at a track. Call it communing with nature or just a quick getaway, but you'll feel more relaxed after a brisk walk and some time to clear your mind.

Hit something. When your mother-in-law refuses to wear the light blue gown that would complement your mom's, the band calls to let you know they've changed their name, or your divorced parents are battling over the wording of your invitations, all of the laughter and walking in the world can’t hold a candle to just taking a whack at something. To keep you out of jail, I suggest you go to a local golf range and hit golf balls as hard as you can. Or go to the gym and pound on the heavy boxing bag (This works best if you picture a face on the bag). A good symbolic battering may not suit the image of the demure bride or the classy groom, but sometimes getting that aggression out in a safe manner can do a world of good.

Soak out your stress. Fill the bathtub with water (not too hot, as that raises blood pressure), some bubbles or bath salts, light some candles around the bathroom, turn on some calming music, and step in to soak away your tension. A good bubble bath tops the list of brides' and grooms' Stressbusters (especially if they're taking the bath together!) so consider this simple remedy to calm your nerves.

Take a whiff. Aromatherapy buffs swear by the essences of lavender and chamomile for relaxation. On the market now, you'll find everything from scented candles to essential oils for lamp rings, bath products with aromatherapy meanings, even perfumes and roll-on scents that are designed to give you a breath of relief. You know which scents calm you down. If your brain relaxer is cinnamon, boil some water with cinnamon sticks in it. Check out aromatherapy sites on the Internet for more information on which scent will cure your particular issue.

Envision your dream wedding. Rather than picturing downpours of rain, the tent collapsing, and your ex crashing the wedding, train yourself to picture the wedding going well. Allow yourself to anticipate the best of what your wedding can be. See everything going well. See those gorgeous flowers you picked out months ago, and see yourself in complete bliss, dancing with your new spouse to ‘your song.’ Negative thoughts and positive thoughts cannot co-exist in your mind, so choose to concentrate on positive images. See it all going exactly as planned, and you'll find yourself with a smile on your face and a bounce in your step.

Tips for the Mother of the Bride.

"My mother is ruining my wedding!"

As a wedding planner, I’ve found that the most common complaint is that brides and their moms clash over the planning of the wedding. Sometimes, it's just a minor skirmish that requires a cooling-off period, and other times it's all-out war that stops the formerly loving duo from even speaking to one another. Some mothers threaten to boycott their daughters' weddings altogether!

What would bring two women to this kind of conflict? Why does a happy occasion such as a wedding bring out the worst in some people? And what would make a mother boycott her little girl's wedding?

Weddings are emotional events, big life transitions that affect not only the couple who are joining their lives together, but everyone around them. If your daughter is getting married, you're probably feeling many more emotions than just excitement for her. There's also fear. Fear of losing your little girl. Sadness. Sadness that her growing older means you're growing older. Anxiety. You're feeling anxious over the details of the wedding, what you'll wear, maybe whether your ex-husband is planning to bring that little blonde chippy from his office to the wedding as his date.

Weddings can create a type of chaos in our lives, and the first things to suffer are our relationships with the people we love the most. It's a universal phenomenon, seen all over the country and the world to varying degrees. You've probably heard horror stories of such mothers who do boycott the wedding just because the wording wasn't ‘right’ on the invitations. Another mother slipped the ceremony pianist some sheet music that she wanted to hear at the wedding, and the bride walked down the aisle to a song that she not only hated, but that reminded her of a previous boyfriend! Are these mothers insane? No. Just a bit self-centered and out-of-focus.

You can be a great mom and still lose your sense of purpose during the planning of your daughter's wedding. It happens to the best of them. You may have nothing but good intentions deep within as you make decisions or requests for the wedding, but the root of all Mother-Daughter Wedding Evil is not directing your good intentions to the bride and groom.

The saddest thing I ever heard a recent bride say was "I've lost all respect for my mother after the way she behaved all through the wedding planning time. I never knew she could be so selfish. We'll never have a good relationship again." Just grab your heart right now. Would you ever want your daughter to feel that way about you? Over something as simple as the colour of the tablecloths, the choice of favours, or the music during the ceremony?

Knowing that weddings stir up underlying issues and intensify family dynamics for anyone, causing the kind of behaviour that does injure if not ruin close family ties, I've put together the following rules to help you stay on the right track as you help your daughter plan her wedding:

1. Remember, it's her wedding.
You've already had your shot at planning a wedding, your own. I know, years ago when you were married, it was custom that your parents paid for it and therefore had a lot of say in how the plans were arranged. You may have had little money, you may have been young, and the wedding you had may not have been the wedding of your dreams. Your daughter's wedding is not your turn to run the show, even if you are paying for the wedding itself! How many times have you already said, "I'm paying for this, so we'll do it my way!" If you haven't uttered those words, congratulations! You're in the minority. If you have, it's time to grab a reality check and remember where your loyalties lie. This is your daughter's wedding. She's had dreams and visions of what she wants for her Big Day for years, and the best mothers and fathers help her to create her Dream Come True. The best mothers and fathers remember whose day it really is.

2. "But what will people say?"
Even if you don't come right out and say this, isn't it somewhere in the back of your mind that your aunts, cousins, and friends would certainly disapprove of the bride not wearing a white gown or a veil? Aren't you thinking about how the guests will feel about dancing to the songs on the bride and groom's play list? This is a big clash issue between most mothers and daughters, since the brides can see that their mothers care more about what other people will think about the wedding than what the bride wants. You've been telling your children for years, "It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you." Now, take your own advice and forget about what others will think. The bride doesn't need the pressure of pleasing you and everyone else on your list when her whole life is about to change.

3. Make your requests with respect.
Bull-dozing. Steam-rolling. Bossing around. None of these work when it comes to steering some wedding element your way. If you approach the bride with respect, and at a good time, you can make a suggestion that the bride might agree upon. No one wants to be bullied, and no one wants to be manipulated. A stressed bride may be oversensitive to all of the requests made by others, and she'll be more likely to hear your request if you pose it the right way.

4. Think about how you want your daughter to view you.
I still have goose-bumps over that quote from the bride who has lost respect for her mother. The most important thing throughout all of the planning is to ask yourself, “What kind of mother do I want to be? How do I want my daughter to think about me when she thinks back on this time,” Stop, take a breath, and make your decisions from a place of love instead of a place of pressure. This busy time can improve your relationship with your daughter, or it can tear you apart. It's up to you.

5. Keep the bigger picture in mind.
Too many mothers get lost in the specifics of the wedding plans. How many printed napkins to order, what kind of wine to serve at the cocktail party, where to set up the gift table, what kind of font to use on the invitations. If you focus your gaze on just these to-do items, then you miss the bigger picture of what the whole event is about. Your daughter is getting married to the love of her life. And it will happen, even if the blush pink roses are actually more of a rose pink, even if the caterer forgets the artichoke dip.
Think more of the symbolism and meaning of the day than the bits and pieces.

6. Handle yourself with care.
This is a stressful time for you. You're about to go through a big change, and planning a wedding is no easy feat. There's an old saying: "If Mom's not happy, nobody's happy." Taking your stress and frustration out on others is a terrible thing, especially when your sour mood infects the whole joyous event. So, step away from the role of wedding planner now and then, attend to your spiritual, mental, and physical health, and recharge so that you're a more effective you. Journal your thoughts, soak in a tub, spray some lavender on your wrists, and just float through the process. Remember to enjoy every aspect of the wedding, and encourage the bride to handle herself with care as well.

This isn't just a wedding you're planning. This is a tryout for the type of mother you'll be to a grown, married woman and your new son-in-law. Just breathe. And be the kind of mother you really want to be. The rest will take care of itself. What lingers are the memories you share with the bride. Make them good ones.

Delegation List

Throughout the months of the wedding planning process, you're probably going to realise that you could use a hand. Well, of course you deserve applause, but what I'm talking about is letting your bridal party, your family, your siblings, children, and friends actually help out with some of the responsibilities of putting the wedding together.

In any wedding, there are plenty of things that others can help out with. The most common offers to help center on making favours and décor to cooking, and that's entirely up to your loved ones who offer to help. If they say, 'If there's anything I can do to help ." Just whip out this list and see where they can lend a hand. Next to the task, list the person who will tackle the job.

Picking up guests at the airport
Transportation of guests to and from the wedding
Dropping off guests at the airport
Making Bomboniere
Calligraphy
Cooking help
Making desserts
Babysitting guests' children
Decorating the site
Setting up chairs and tables
Post-wedding cleanup
Use of convertibles or classic cars
Making confirmation calls
Transporting gifts back to your home after the reception
Collecting disposable cameras
Acting as designated driver after the reception
Letting the kids stay with them during your honeymoon
House-sitting during your honeymoon
Pet-sitting during your honeymoon
(Other)
(Other)

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Be gracious when you do ask, and be prepared to accept that some people just don't have time to make your wedding the center of their world. Remember to establish parameters when you do ask for help, specifying exactly what you need done, so that the well-meaning friend does not cross boundaries with you to create her own vision of the job at hand. Be clear, be precise, and - most importantly - chose your assistants for their proven level of responsibility. This is no time to trust important jobs to the unreliable. Assign well, and share the credit on the big day.

This free information is brought to you by
" Exquisite Wedding Co-ordinators"
If you would like help with some or all of your wedding plans please feel free to contact us on (08) 9248 2542 or 0412 031 431 or email us.